Beginning with God 5: My response

There is a false narrative at work in our world, in our minds, in our hearts, and it can run and ruin us. That false narrative is that God loves us only when we do good. God’s love, in this narrative, is conditional. It’s as if God is in a swivel chair and he only faces us when we do good.

Do you see this narrative of God’s conditional love? Where do you see it? How do you connect God’s demand of repentance with unconditional love?

That is such a good question. Where do we get the idea that we can only be loved if we measure up? Honestly now — have any of us ever been told that? Why do we struggle so much with believing that God can love us deeply when every day we have food to eat, clothes to wear, and people who care for us? I know that not everyone has this, but most of the people I have known in my life have never really had to struggle with having their physical needs met.

Beyond that, if we have been raised within the Judeo-Christian belief system, we also know that God is not the only supernatural being who works in our lives. Evil is very real and very present. Satan delights in making us question God’s love for us and keeps us very focused on what we don’t have rather than what we do.

How do repentance and unconditional love fit together? Well if we can’t be honest with ourselves about who we really are and what we’re capable of, then how can accept that God loves us no matter what? Being repentant — having a soft heart — is crucial in allowing God to work in your life. Satan tries so hard to keep us defensive and in blame-game mode. Nothing is my fault. Everything is someone else’s fault. Victim mentality is everywhere.

I don’t understand victim mentality. Why would anyone prefer to live life at the mercy of others instead of being willing to do what they can do? Wouldn’t it be preferable to have something that you can change, even if it’s a small thing? We can’t always choose the circumstances we are in, but we can choose how we respond to it. We don’t have to be reactionary.

So what does this have to do with God’s love? Well — until I was honest with myself about how unlovable I was, I didn’t really understand how much God loved me. Until I realized that I couldn’t control everything in my life, I didn’t realize that with God’s help, I could control how I responded to things. I don’t always respond well, but if I have a soft heart then I can apologize to others involved, repent, and move forward.

Yes — if you can’t be honest about who you are, then real love isn’t possible. If you are making yourself keep certain conditions, then you can’t accept unconditional love even when it’s offered.

Beginning with God 5

Beginning with God 5

Worship.jpgIt all begins with God — what we think about God shapes what we think about ourselves and those around us and our world. It begins with God. What is our “narrative” of God? Is our narrative one of God’s love or one of God’s wrath?

James Bryan Smith, in The Good and Beautiful God: Falling in Love With the God Jesus Knows (The Apprentice Series) is focused on these kinds of questions, and chp 5 is called “God is Love.”

Again, there is a false narrative at work in our world, in our minds, in our hearts, and it can run and ruin us. That false narrative is that God loves us only when we do good. God’s love, in this narrative, is conditional. It’s as if God is in a swivel chair and he only faces us when we do good.

Do you see this narrative of God’s conditional love? Where do you see it? How do you connect God’s demand of repentance with unconditional love?

As with other chapters, Smith connects God’s conditional love with our performance-based culture.

But the narrative of Jesus is a narrative that God welcomes sinners and God loves sinners. Jesus’ narrative is not that God will love you if you improve. Smith paraphrases John 3:16 according to the God’s-Love-is-Conditional Narrative:

For God was so mad at the world that he sent his Son to come down and tell them to shape up, that whosoever would shape up would have eternal life.

But Jesus’ narrative is not like that: God loved the world, made up as it is of sinners and charlatans, and he sent his Son to redeem that world. That’s Jesus’ narrative.

There are some right now irritated with Smith, and they are like the elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son who was miffed that the father was so merciful and gracious and forgiving of the younger son.

Which is your narrative? God as love or God as conditional love?

Smith closes with an exercise on lectio divina.

If you’re so inclined . . .

Just FYI. I meet the requirements and could really use the cash . . . 😉

Nominations open for 2009 Carnegie Corporation of New York/
New York Times I Love My Librarian Award

NEW YORK – Nominations are open for the 2009 Carnegie Corporation of New York/New York Times I Love My Librarian Award.

The award invites library users to recognize the accomplishments of librarians in public, school, college, community college and university libraries for their efforts to improve the lives of people in their community. Nominations will run through October 9 and are being accepted online at

Up to 10 librarians will be selected. Each will receive a $5,000 cash award, a plaque and a $500 travel stipend to attend an awards ceremony and reception in New York, hosted by The New York Times in December. In addition, a plaque will be given to each award winner’s library.

Nominees will be judged by a selection committee based on quality of service to library users, demonstrated knowledge of the library and its resources and commitment shown in helping library users.

In 2008, Carnegie Corporation of New York awarded the American Library Association (ALA) $489,000 to support the award, which will continue annually through 2013. The award continues in the tradition of one The New York Times presented from 2001 to 2006.

Last year, more than 3,200 library users nationwide nominated a librarian, and 10 librarians received the award. For more information on last year’s winners, visit

Each nominee must be a librarian with a master’s degree from a program accredited by the ALA in library and information studies or a master’s degree with a specialty in school library media from an educational unit accredited by the National Council for the Accreditation of Teacher Education. Nominees must be currently working in the United States in a public library, a library at an accredited two- or four-year college or university or at an accredited K-12 school.

The award is administered by ALA’s Public Information Office and Campaign for America’s Libraries, ALA’s public awareness campaign that promotes the value of libraries and librarians.

Carnegie Corp. of New York was created by Andrew Carnegie in 1911 to promote “the advancement and diffusion of knowledge and understanding.” For more than 95 years, the foundation has carried out its founder’s vision of philanthropy by building on his two major concerns: international peace and advancing education and knowledge. Each year, the private grant-making foundation invests more than $100 million in nonprofit organizations to fulfill Mr. Carnegie’s mission, “to do real and permanent good in this world.”

The New York Times Company, a leading media company with 2008 revenues of $2.9 billion, includes The New York Times, the International Herald Tribune, The Boston Globe, 15 other daily newspapers, WQXR-FM and more than 50 Web sites, including, and The Company’s core purpose is to enhance society by creating, collecting and distributing high-quality news, information and entertainment.

The American Library Association is the oldest and largest library association in the world, with more than 65,000 members. Its mission is to promote the highest quality library and information services and public access to information.

Good News!

Every week, I have to call our Diabetes Management Team with Caleb’s numbers. “Numbers” includes his blood sugar readings at

  • 2:00 AM
  • 7:00 AM
  • 9:30 AM
  • 11:30 AM
  • 1:30 PM
  • 5:00 PM
  • 9:00 PM

It also includes reporting the number of carbohydrates he has eaten at each meal and the amounts of insulin he’s taken after break, lunch, and supper, and at bed time.

Please realize that every one of those blood sugar readings and insulin shots means that a needle is going into Caleb’s skin. Every single one. Eleven times a day, he either draws blood from a finger or injects insulin into his body. School started this week and he is doing most of it himself now, which is a big hooray! but this still just breaks my mom-heart.

So what’s the good news? Yesterday when I called in they said that the numbers were actually very good for a first week of school (hooray!) and that things were looking pretty balanced overall. In fact — drum roll please — WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THE 2:00 AM BLOOD SUGAR MONITORING EVERY NIGHT!!!

This is huge. As believers, I think we all have the ability to get up and do what needs to be done each day, but I was beginning to wonder how in the world I was going to manage to continue with this one now that school has begun. During the school year, it is not unusual for me to be up until midnight doing laundry, doing meal preps for the next day, or just grabbing a rare calm moment before going to bed. Most days I get up at 5:30 so taking a 30-45 minute chunk of sleep out of the routine was getting very tiring.

So hooray. Hip hip hooray! (Feel free to rejoice with those who are rejoicing right now!)

And now I have a request. Caleb’s diagnosis is still very new to us and we are still adjusting to what it means to live each day with Type 1. Last night we went to a community back-to-school event and didn’t plan to come home between school and the hoopla, but we realized that we didn’t bring the insulin pen with us so Keith had to run home and get it. It’s the little things that continue to catch us off-guard, but there are people and families who have lived with this for YEARS.

For Caleb — for all of them — we need to make sure that money is available to continue with the research. Our care providers have told us that it is very possible that there will be a cure for Type 1 Diabetes within Caleb’s lifetime. On Saturday, September 19th, I will be walking in the 2009 Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation’s Walk for a Cure in Little Rock, Arkansas. I haven’t set a huge fund raising goal, but I would love to meet the $100.00 request that the organization sets for individual walkers. I’m not trying to form a team, but if you live close to Little Rock and walk to sign up as an individual walker and also raise $100.00, I would love to have your company as I stroll across the Big Dam Bridge that day. Because we just learned of Caleb’s diagnosis and of this walk, I don’t have time to do a bake sale, yard sale, or online auction — I’m just simply asking you to either help me raise $100.00 or join me and raise $100.00 yourself. You can either find me in person, mail me your contribution, or give online at my JDRF profile page.

And just FYI — the $100.00 I’m trying to raise is less than half of what we will spend on insulin and testing supplies each month. After insurance coverage we will still pay between $200.00 and $300.00 every month to be Caleb’s external pancreas.

Thank you for reading through to the end of this, but mostly thank you for being people who care about me and my son.

Beginning with God 4: My response (and Si’s too!)

What are the reasons we frame God as one whose favor must be earned? What has helped you get over and beyond the God’s-Favor-Must-Be-Earned God?

Wow. This is a hard one. I think the earning-favor mindset is very ingrained in our culture. We work to earn grades, which gives us favor in the eyes of our teachers and — hopefully — our fellow students. We work to earn paychecks so that we can have nice homes that — hopefully — earn us favor in the eyes of those who visit our homes. As children we complete the tasks on our chore lists or homework lists so that we can be in good graces with the life systems that surround us. We are very programmed by a life pattern in which we earn the good graces of those around us. When we cross the line, we are punished (temporary fall from favor) and when we “straighten up” then we are blessed by those good graces again.

Or at least that’s my experience. I grew up in a very performance-oriented environment. As adults, my friends and I called it the “Good Christians Win Football Games” experience. It took a long time for me to realize that God loved me whether I won or lost, did right or wrong, completed my to-do list or had items left over. His love wasn’t conditional on whether or not I had completed all of the steps adequately. It was just THERE no matter what I did.

And trust me. I messed up. I messed up big time more than once. Not only did I leave some “to-dos” undone, but I also went over to that other list of things NOT to do and crossed a few of those items off my list. It wasn’t pretty.

But you know what? I learned that God still loved me. He still held me in his arms, let me cry, and question, and weep, and I even threw things a couple of times. And he didn’t run away from me. He listened. He held me. He spoke to me and reminded me of the truth that I knew and had been avoiding.

He loves me. He limited himself by becoming human, lived on this earth with all of its garbage, then died for me. Not for generic humanity, but for me. Not because I’m special, but because he is. He loves you this much too. You don’t have to earn it, or stay in line to keep his favor. It’s just there. Beyond anything that you could ask or imagine.

PS — Don’t miss Si’s wonderful response in the comments section of the previous post. Thanks, Si!

Beginning with God 4

Beginning with God 4

Worship.jpgIt all begins with God — what we think about God shapes what we think about ourselves and those around us and our world. It begins with God. What is our “narrative” of God?

James Bryan Smith, in The Good and Beautiful God: Falling in Love With the God Jesus Knows (The Apprentice Series) is focused on that question.

God is generous. Our God is a God of generosity.

Smith’s approach is to counter unhealthy and false narratives with the narrative of Jesus about God. The false narrative that attacks God’s generosity and our reception of God’s generosity is that we can earn God’s favor. When we frame our narrative with a “tit-for-a-tat”, we run the risk of entering into a narrative of earning God’s favor and spending our time in fear of God.

What are the reasons we frame God as one whose favor must be earned? What has helped you get over and beyond the God’s-Favor-Must-Be-Earned God?

Smith sees this narrative of earning favor written into the fabric of our culture and in the misunderstood narrative of God’s favor in the Bible — the correlation principle of Deuteronomy 28. Smith contends the metanarrative of the Bible sets the favor passages in context: that context is God’s grace and God’s love and God’s mercy and God’s generosity.

Jesus’ narrative is revealed in the parable of the workers in the vineyard where, in spite of getting what they deserved, we see God giving out of generosity beyond and instead of what they deserved. This, Smith argues, is the narrative of Jesus about God’s generosity.

What God wants us from us is to delight in God. God loves us and God is generous.

Are you receiving this?

He finishes this with an exercise in praying Psalm 23.

Typical Type 1 Day

So how has day-to-day life changed around here? Well, here’s our new daily routine:

2:00 AM — Wake up Caleb and check blood sugar
6:30 AM — Get up, plan a breakfast that isn’t too carby but that includes at least 10 grams so that the insulin won’t make the blood sugar drop too low
7:00 AM — Check blood sugar after fixing breakfast. Eat breakfast.
7:30 AM — Calculate insulin needs based on breakfast consumption. Here’s the formula:

Beginning blood sugar – 150 = _________ divided by 25 = A


Number of total carbs consumed in meal divided by 10 = B

A + B = the amount of insulin needed after the meal.

9:30 AM — Check his blood sugar again to see where it is after eating and taking insulin
11:00 AM — Start the whole process again

Plan, pretest, eat, calculate, inject, post-test after 2 hours. Then it’s just a few more hours before we do this for supper, and there’s usually a snack between lunch and supper. A snack that can’t be more than 15 carbs (even a small apple has 12-13) or we have to add another insulin shot. Yesterday Caleb wanted something that added up to around 18. His answer: “It’s just not worth the shot.”

Bedtime is one more check and snack, followed by an injection of 40 units of a long-acting type of insulin that holds him overnight. Then 2:00 AM rolls around again and it starts all over.

Did I mention that we have to write all of this down and call our nutritionist each week with his blood sugar levels, numbers of carbs eaten, and the units of insulin that we give him? Yep — ME — the Queen of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants now writes down EVERYTHING related to this. I can tell you Caleb’s blood sugar level at almost any 2-hour interval this week. We have a special notebook that stays next to the drawers full of glucometers, insulin pens, and testing supplies and it has all sorts of paperwork in it. School orders, an 81/2 x 11 page of prescriptions, a full page of doctor’s orders that outline this routine, and pages and pages of blood sugar logs. We also have a white board on the fridge to do the calculations for carb totals and insulin needs. I don’t think we’ll have to keep such meticulous records forever, but at the beginning this is necessary. We have to see if the insulin formula they sent us home with is going to keep things in check.

Overall, Caleb is doing much better. He’s in the living room playing Guitar Hero right now and yesterday we got out and ran errands. We’ve been able to request that he be put in the classroom of a teacher whose daughter has Type 1 Diabetes and we have school open house this afternoon. It still scares me to realize that someone else — several someone elses — are about to become very involved in this process. Most things are going well, but yesterday his numbers were a little high. I think it was because he drank diet sodas (which are allowed) instead of green tea. I think diet sodas will fall into that “everything is permissable, but not everything is benefical” category from now on.

So we’re still learning, still adjusting, still monitoring, and still thankful that insulin is even available. We’re also still hunting for good, easy-to-prepare foods that will meet Caleb’s needs and everyone else’s tastes. We also need ideas for easy snacks that we won’t have to think about. Although the primary problem is that his body will hold onto blood sugar without the insuliln injections, if he doesn’t eat at regular intervals, his levels will go too low and cause problems with low blood sugar so snacks between meals are necessary. We also carry an emergency kit with a glucometer and several pure-sugar foods in case he ever has a low blood sugar crash.

It’s a lot to think about. Sometimes my brain gets tired trying to process it all, but I know that lots of other families are living with this and living victoriously. It’s mostly a matter of learning new habits and routines. After it becomes routine and newness is gone, I think it will be much easier.

If you haven’t heard . . .

Last week turned out to be much different from what I expected. A week ago today we took our son Caleb to the pediatrician for what we thought was dehydration from having a 24-hour stomach virus. We found out that he has Type 1 Diabetes. His blood sugars spiked around 1100, he was severely dehydrated and was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis, which means that his body was pretty much saturated with blood sugars and the throwing up was an attempt to get rid of them. He was a very sick little boy. The pediatrician put him on an ambulance to the ER so they could get IV insulin started and then he was med-flighted to Children’s Hospital in Little Rock. He was so dehydrated that it took forever to find a vein that would cooperate. He was semi-conscious, had slurred speech, and was occasionally disoriented to his location and to what was going on.

Just one week ago today.

I’m copying the email updates that I sent to family members. I know several of them were forwarded on to others, so you may have already read this. If not, here’s our story of Type 1 Diabetes.

Wednesday night/Thursday AM

It’s about 4:00 AM. We’ve had a rather uneventful night compared to yesterday, but we still have a way to go. Caleb’s blood sugar is down to a little under 300 after spiking around 1100 yesterday afternoon. They’ll keep monitoring his medication and bringing it down before we leave PICU and get to the floor. After that, I’m not sure exactly what will happen, but I know that there will be at least two days that are patient education.
Caleb is doing better although he’s still pretty groggy. He’s more awake and lucid than he was yesterday but he still doesn’t get what all is going on. It’s never fun to see your child this “out of it,” but he’s nowhere near where Daniel was when he had his seizure episodes so this seems kind of pale in comparison.
Dr. McAdams (our pediatrician in Searcy) stated pretty certainly that this was Type 1. He said that someone Caleb’s age wouldn’t get readings that high with a beginning Type 2. It has seemed unreal to see this develop so quickly, but after hearing people here talk, this is actually quite typical.
I can’t use my cell phone in the room, but I’ll try to check in through email as much as possible.
Please pray that Caleb’s blood sugar will continue to go down until it gets in to normal range. Please pray that there will be no permanent side effects from this much of a spike. Please pray that he will be completely lucid by the time we need to start learning about how to manage this. I’m glad he likes to cook and help in the kitchen. I think that will help me see this as more of a creative challenge than a list of food rules to keep.

Thursday afternoon

Well, today has not been fun but it has been much better than yesterday was. Caleb’s blood sugar has been slowly coming down and since mid-afternoon it has consistently been in the upper 100’s and lower 200’s. One reading was as low as 139. The primary doctor decided that clear liquids would be OK for tonight so as a type, a MUCH happier Caleb is eating a sugar-free popsicle, sugar free jello and he has already finished a small carton of apple juice. We’re still monitoring his blood sugar every hour. Hopefully everything will continue to improve.
Of course the staff has been wonderful. At Children’s, that goes without saying. It has also been wonderful to have a few visitors and Caleb was excited when he got a gift and balloon from the library crew. He is still very weak. Please pray that his blood sugar will continue to come down and that it will be easy to regulate once we move into that stage of things. Please pray that his strength will increase. It exhausts him to try to stand up. His fluid levels are still kind of “off” so although he’s very aware of everything now, he still seems rather drowsy and his speech is sightly slurred. I’ve been reassured that is temporary, but it would be nice to know that. Please also pray that he will be able to rest and that the cathater can be removed. It’s driving him crazy, but there’s no other option right now.
Thank you so much for all of the prayers and calls. I can’t have my cell phone on when I’m in the room and I’ve barely left today. I promise I’m not ignoring anyone who has tried to call or text. I just can’t get to it right now.
Thank you again for just being who you are.

Friday morning

We’re on day 2 in pediatric ICU, but he’s much better this morning. He was finally able to have some clear liquids last night and his blood sugar has consistently remained around the low 100’s — much better.
Later today — probably after lunch — we’ll transfer to an intermediate room. At some point we’ll start 2 days of patient education before going home to our new life. Caleb has been a trooper. He was so sick and disoriented when we got to the hospital. His breathing was shallow and he had to be reminded of where he was and why he was here. Last night he finally really slept. Real sleep with real, slowed breathing and this morning for the first time his speech isn’t slurred. We still have a way to go, but we are definitely on the right path. The caregivers have been wonderful, but I wouldn’t expect anything else from Children’s. It’s a wonderful place. I still don’t know exactly how long we’ll be here, but it’s the only place I would want to be to do this.
Short visits later today and on other days would be fine. Caleb is feeling much better although he’s still very tired. Thank you to everyone who is praying. I know they are being answered.

Saturday AM

Yesterday was a day full of improvement. I think I mentioned that Thursday night Caleb was finally able to really sleep for the first time. His breathing was initially very shallow but it’s much better now. He slept through most of yesterday and hopefully he slept well last night. Keith stayed with him overnight so I could come home and sleep here. I think it helped Daniel for me to be here too.

Caleb’s blood sugar levels have consistently been in the low 100’s for the last 24 hours. He’s on an IV insulin drip, along with several other IV’s to help normalize some fluid and mineral levels that got out of whack when his sugar spiked so high. I had a couple of emails from Keith last night about the IV situation. Initially, they had to put them in his thumb because his veins weren’t cooperating anywhere else. After I left yesterday, they wanted to move them to a more typical location. It was still hard to find veins that would cooperate so it took a while. I know that was hard for Caleb go to through (he already has several nice bruises from the ER attempts to find veins) but after it was over, Keith emailed and said Caleb was sleeping again.

He has been moved out of ICU to a “step-down” room around the corner. Our next step will be to go to a regular room and that’s when we’ll start 2-3 days of patient education. I still don’t really know exactly how long we’ll be there. I can use my cell phone now since we’re out of PICU, so if you would like to stop by please call first. Thank you again to everyone who has stopped by or sent a card or gift.

One thing: Tuesday, August 11th is Caleb’s 12th birthday and it’s very possible that we’ll still be in the hospital. It would make him so happy to be flooded with cards. (He usually starts asking if he’s gotten anything in the mail in July. HA!) Yesterday, I checked my Facebook page for the first time and when I saw all the messages that people left for and about him, I read them to him and he was smiling and trying not to cry.

He has been such a little trooper through all of this and he’s been through so much these last few days. On Monday, he was an 11-year-old boy enjoy a day at Magic Springs with Keith and Daniel. Tuesday he started getting sick and Wednesday he was being med-flighted to Children’s. Although that seems like a crazy and fast change, I’ve heard several people’s diagnosis stories in the last few days and they’re all very similar. It’s crazy that this can — and does — hit so hard and fast.

People ask what we need. We need prayer. Please pray for continued improvement, especially as we start the transition from an insulin drip and liquid diet to real food and trying to monitor things through shots. I don’t know when that will be, but it’s never too early to pray. Please pray that he will get stronger every day. He asked yesterday when he would be able to get up and walk and I have no answers for him. We also need prayer for the rest of us. It will get more complicated to juggle things as we get closer to the start of school and we may need some help getting other children to where they need to be. Daniel would probably appreciate hanging out with some friends and getting to just play for a while.

What we need most has been with us the whole time: this has been another time when I’ve wondered how non-believers make it through life. As hard as all of this has been, I know that God is right there with us. In the emergency room, during the helicopter transfer, in ICU — the “peace that passes understanding” has been my constant companion. I don’t understand all of this, but I don’t have to. God is with us and he cares more about my son than I do. That’s what matters.

Thank you all for being praying, caring people.

Sunday morning

Caleb is so much more himself today. He’s talking, smiling, and even feels good enough to be whiny at times. 🙂 Yesterday they took him off of the insulin drip and we’ve begun learning to calculate insulin needs for injections. Although it’s not much fun to do the finger pricks and injections, he is very cooperative. He knows how sick he was and seems to really understand that this is part of daily life. I know that we still have a lot of learning and adapting to do, but we’re getting there.
Today’s plan is more learning about daily life with Type 1 diabetes and keeping it manageable. They also plan to take out the catheter today, which will give him much more mobility and — hopefully — less fear of moving around. It’s limited his ability to move much at all and 4 days of lying in bed isn’t good for anyone.
We found out this morning that our nurse tech is Sam Middleton from Searcy and he graduated from Searcy High with Becca. Our overnight nurse is also from Searcy. His name is Justin I think Caleb likes having male caregivers. They’re a little more sympathetic about the catheter than the women are. 🙂
Anyway — we’re definitely getting there. Still have a lot to learn and adjustments to make, but we’re getting there. Thanks again for all the emails and phone calls and words of support. We love you all.
Monday afternoon

Dear family and friends —

It’s Monday evening and we are finally home — just in time for Caleb’s birthday tomorrow! We got home about 4:30 this afternoon after a day of last minute instructions and visits from family and friends. I know we have new habits and practices to put into practice, but thanks to the excellent teaching team at Children’s Hospital I think we all feel prepared.

Caleb is doing so well. He still tires out easily because he was so sick, but he’s back to being his usual talking, joking self. It’s good to see that he is grasping all the new knowledge too. Don’t stand still too long or he may try to take your blood and test your sugar levels. 🙂

Thank you all so much for the calls, visits, emails, and mostly the prayers. Each day I could see the improvements in the areas where we asked for prayer. I don’t know why I continue to be amazed when God answers prayer so directly, but I do. He is so good to us.

You all mean the world to us. Thank you for being our family, whether physical or spiritual. We are tremendously blessed.

If you want to learn more about Type 1 Diabetes — which is different from adult onset or Type 2 — please visit the websites for the American Diabetes Association or Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. There isn’t a cure, but it is manageable. It isn’t caused by eating too much, having a poor diet, or not exercising enough. It is caused when for some unknown reason, a person is born with a pancreas that just won’t cooperate. For some people, their pancreas works well for several years. For some, it konks out within a few months of being born. If you have questions, please ask me. I’m still learning a lot, but I’ll be glad to answer whatever questions I can.

Trusting God

Have you experienced the God-Can’t-be-Trusted Narrative? What shapes that narrative? How did it arise? What does it look like?

Well. I suppose I should start by just putting it out there:

I have trust issues.

I am a questioner and I have trust issues. When I was younger I was full of why? and sometimes — no, quite often — why me? questions. I’ve lived long enough now that I don’t really question why things have to happen. There are a variety of reasons, including God’s will, my own actions, other people’s decisions, and the fact that the world is full of sin. I’ve also lived long enough to know that sometimes really wonderful things can grow out of very difficult things but that not everything gets “righted” in this world. Some things will only be set right when Jesus comes back.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

My trust issues really aren’t with God anymore. I know that he loves me inside and out. My times of prayer are the most honest parts of my day because I know that I can pour my heart, mind, and soul out to the Lord and no matter how ugly it is, he will still love me and accept me as his child. And trust me — there’s some not-so-pretty stuff in there.

My trust issues are with people. My head knows that trusting people with my vulnerabilities is really just an extension of trusting God, but God has never failed me and people have. I love people. I love that we are able to know each other, live in relationship, challenge one another . . . I just don’t like the hurt that can come along in the process. It isn’t that I don’t trust God to be in those situations, but that I don’t always trust people to be in connection with God. I’ve lived too long to think that’s going to happen.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

What does the Lord’s Prayer tell me about God as Father?

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

This kind of God-Father is trustworthy. How can this narrative help us?

God is a trustworthy father. He provides for our needs; he forgives us; he delivers us from evil. Please pray that I will be able to trust God enough to trust his children more.

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑