of things done, not done, and learned

Things done:

  • Everyone has gotten to school on time every day so far.
  • I bought a skirt with a 14 in the size.
  • I bought pants with no letters in the size.
  • I met with four classes yesterday — FOUR.
  • Picked up and signed out three kids from two different schools, took them to a funeral, bought them lunch, and got them all back to school within a 2 1/2 hour time frame.  All on the day I met with four classes.  FOUR.

Things not done:

  • Regular exercise
  • I haven’t killed anyone
  • Gratitude journalling
  • Clean kitchen every night
  • Laundry. 
  • Daily meditation

Things learned:

  • The dishes will always be there.  Always.
  • The laundry will always be there.  Always.
  • Wanting to exercise regularly and actually exercising regularly are two different things.
  • I have to track what I eat.  If I don’t, I’m still capable of eating absolutely anything in sight.
  • I still REALLY DOUBT MYSELF when shopping for clothes.  Check out the facial expression here. 
  • Coffee is still one of the absolute best things about morning.  Maybe the absolute best thing about morning.
  • Life is short and uncertain (see reference to funeral attendance in “things done” section.) Love easily.  Laugh loudly.  Sing and dance whenever you have the chance.  Don’t waste time.
  • Every day is a new day with a new chance.

    Of broccoli and Monte Python

    I’ve done two days of Level One.

    I am sore.

    I am taking ibuprofen.

    Lots of ibuprofen.

    I feel body parts I thought I didn’t have anymore.

    But I am not dead.  Yet.

    Not dead is good, right?

    I’m not expecting some big miraculous change in my body, although I did take my measurements before I started and will remeasure when I’m done. I’m not even sure that my main goal is being more active or physically fit.  I think it’s mostly about challenging myself and facing a part of me that I’ve never really tested.

    I’ve spent my life telling myself that I’m not an athlete; that I don’t enjoy physical activity.  For me to say that is like most three-year-olds saying they don’t like broccoli the first time it lands on their plate.  If you haven’t tried it, how do you know if you like it?

    So I’m trying.  Not for a PE class.  Not out of guilt over what I should or shouldn’t be doing or how I should look or what size I should be.  Just for me. To challenge that inner voice that has kept me from doing LOTS over the course of a lifetime.  Who says that you can’t learn to be active just because you haven’t been before? Who knows what you will or won’t like?

    What assumptions have you made about yourself?  That you’re not a good cook?  That you aren’t organized?  Not a good housekeeper or money manager?  Try it.  You’ll probably have to learn some new skills and carve out some time, but who knows?  You may rise from the cart of the undead and find out that you like broccoli!  🙂

    And you’ll probably take some ibuprofen along the way too.

    My brain planning an exercise routine

    Ok.  Yes.  I need to do this.  I have to do this.  I don’t want to be the person who slows anyone down when I’m old.  So — yeah — I need to do this.  Ok.  When is this going to happen?  IT’S TOO HOT!!  I can’t do this, who am I kidding? CRUNCHES?  I can’t even DO a crunch.  No, I’ll just do what I can and hopefully be able to do more as I stay with it.  One step at a time.  OMG.  JUNIOR HIGH PE FLASHBACK!!  AWKWARD JUNIOR HIGH ME ALERT!!!  Why didn’t I get to take dance or gymnastics?  Then I wouldn’t be so awkward.  Lawrence loves to run.  Sheila loves to run.  Maybe I’m a runner and don’t know it. There’s no way I could be a runner, is there?  Maybe I’m a runner.  IT’S TOO HOT!!!  And did I mention that it’s hot?  So . . . when am I going to do this?  Morning is the only time so … uhm … 5:30.  I can get up at 5:30.  The Shred thing is only 20 minutes long so I’d be done about 6:00, can shower and have coffee (coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee) and still get out the door on time.  5:30 is early.  Seriously.  Early, but if not then, it’ll never happen.  So.  5:30 it is.  Strength and dignity are her clothing — this may help with the strength thing, but awkward jr hi me will never have that dignity thing down.  HOW AM I 44 AND STILL WORRYING ABOUT AWKWARD JR HI ME?  Live in the moment.  BE in the moment.  The now. Not jr hi, but now. The present.  The crazy 5:30 AM present moment.  Never mind.  I’m waiting until everyone else leaves for work or band or whatever.  5:30 is not the time.  Not today.  Tomorrow?  5:30.  Today.  No. 

    Whew!  I’m tired just thinking about all this.  Since I’m tired, does this count as exercise?  Surely it does  And you wonder why I’ve never done this regularly? It’s exhausting!

    Meet my new friend Jillian

    I’m not really a morning person.  My mornings usually look a lot like this:

    Neither am I an exerciser.  My idea of exercise looks a lot like this:

    However, I made myself a promise a while back.  Actually, I don’t know if it was a promise or a threat or just plain crazy talk.  When I started this preparation-for-oldness journey that I’m on, I told myself that I would start a cardio program when I weighed less than 200 pounds.

    I probably didn’t think that would ever happen.  It was probably just a way to make an excuse.  BUT — it happened.


    So now I have to.

    If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that you have to be honest with yourself. Keep your promises that you make to yourself or nothing else really matters.

    And here I am.  Initially, I thought a couch-to-5k plan would be my first step, but you know what?  It’s hot out there.  REALLY hot, even at 6:30 AM.  Instead of diving into a C25K, I’m going to get to be good friends with this woman:

    Why?  Because every morning, we will be doing this:

    Yes, I am scared.

    Yes, I am inviting you to share the journey so I can have witnesses if this is merely a tool of slow, painful death.

    See you tomorrow.

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