No, not losing weight. I don’t think that’s happened yet.
What I lost today was more important than that. I lost a false belief. The belief that I had somehow failed at being a wife since my first marriage ended. Even going further back than that, I listened to the negative words of MC Hammer telling me that I wasn’t enough; that the real me wasn’t wife material. Wives are quiet and stay home and spend all their time on other people. They don’t do things to take care of their hearts, minds, or spirits if it means time away from families.
And that’s just not true.
I’m a good wife. It’s OK to be happy. It’s OK take time to care for myself and do things I enjoy. Not just things that will “make me healthy,” but things that I enjoy.
So what else did I lose? Well, I lost two of those things that were on my long list of “shoulds.” I cancelled my gym membership and my membership to Weight Watchers. Neither of those things are bad in and of themselves, and can actually be tremendously positive in the right place and for the right person.
But they are not for me. I’m an intuitive eating/yoga doing/morning walking kind of girl. That’s what makes me happy. Not following rules or going to gym class. There are way to many PE memories for that. So today, I committed to making my Tuesday/Thursday yoga time work and to also getting up and going for walks.
I also gave myself permission to not feel like I had to eat enough to keep up with the boys. It’s OK to slow down and listen and follow my body’s cues.
And Jimmy Carter smiled.
He smiled because he knows all about winning by losing. He lost his second presidential election in a big, big way, but he went on to be the best former president in the history of the US. He’s used his connections and influence to feed and house hungry people, to end disease, and to be the hands and feet of Jesus to thousands upon thousands of people. Even now, as he faces brain cancer, there is no losing for him. No losing.
Just peace and happiness and winning.