This one is hard to share

Imagine your inner critic as a monster. Draw or paint that monster.

If I’m completely honest, I’ll tell you that part of why I haven’t been focused on continuing with the art therapy posts is that this one hit really close to home.

This is MC Hammer.  This is who tries to live in my head and tell me who I am.  This is the anger and constant internal dialogue that makes it hard for me to see very many positives about myself.

There are a lot of smaller messages — bad wife, bad mom, tramp — but underneath them all is that I’m female. I mean face it, if I weren’t female, I couldn’t be a bad wife, right?  Or a bad mom.  And if I weren’t female, I could be outgoing and friendly and wear what I wanted to and not be seen as a tramp, or easy, or be told I look like a whore.

Being a girl is somehow the root of the problem in MC Hammer word and she picks up those verbal hammers and pounds away.  Day after day. Week after week.  Year after year.

It wasn’t hard to imagine my inner critic as a monster, because she is just that: a monster.  What was hard was putting it all on paper and seeing it with my external eyes.  What was hard to putting it here for others to see.

What’s hard is to tell you that this is based on a real person and real experiences and real words that were said to me over and over and over and over.

What I learned from those years were that our words matter.  What we say matters.  Our words have the power of life and death and have impact we rarely consider.

Choose wisely.

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