Living from love

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In two more days, I will have two weeks off work.  Two weeks to spend my time and energy in ways that I choose, rather than in ways that are chosen for me.  Energetic, overly excited me wants to read all the books and watch all the movies and knit all the projects, do all the yoga, and take all the walks.

Living from love me knows that staying in that mode will lead me to unfinished projects and frustration and disappointment with myself and who wants to spend their two weeks off work being disappointed with self? Not me.  So here’s my prioritized list chose from all the books, all the movies, all the projects, all the yoga, and all the walks.

Read all the books:

  • Finish Health at Every Size and journal my responses
  • Read The Lake House. Kate Morton is my favorite recent fiction author and I need some good fiction
  • Read The Faithful GardenerIt’s short and to be honest, I don’t completely know what to expect.  Sometimes, we need to do things that surprise us and catch us off guard.  This will be my surprise gift to myself

Watch all the movies:

  • A surprise series (ooooohhhhhh)
  • George Balanchine’s Nutcracker. It’s absolutely beautiful and I will never tire of it
  • Love, Actually is all around
  • Nothing else comes to mind, but I’m giving myself permission to watch others if I have time and desire

Knit all the projects:

  • Finish the scarf I’m currently working on and mail it to its intended recipient
  • Learn to make these cute little hearts
  • Finish the shawl I’m working on and get it to its intended recipient

Do all the yoga and take all the walks:

  • Three yoga videos from CurvyYoga and go for a walk each morning

In case you’re wondering, I realize that list still seems a bit ambitious, so I’m giving myself permission not to do the last thing on each list. It’s a plan, and a plan that feels doable.

Today I listened

I listened and I heard:

You know.

You know how to do this.  When you live and eat from a place of love — love of yourself, of your surroundings, of your companions — then it’s healthy.  If you live and  eat from a place of stress or uncertainty, it is not from love.

Live from love.  That is truth.

 

The busyness factor

I’ve decided that I do not like being busy.  That in spite of my ENFP, outgoing self, I would rather have down time at home than just about anything I can think of.

We’ve been busy this month.  Over Thanksgiving break, Jason and I went to visit his parents and brother’s family in DC. It was a wonderful week, but mercy — we’ve been non-stop busy ever since.

Work for both of us, plus a Christmas play for both Jason and Sophie. And Christmas stress.  I wish it weren’t stressful, but it is.

And did I mention that I’ve been sick?  Because yeah — I’ve been sick.

So, obviously, I’ve not been on my A game lately. I have a lifelong difficulty of feeling OK about myself when I’m not on my A game.  It’s hard for me to see what I have done instead of what I haven’t done, so I’m making a list right now of Things I Have Gotten Done Even Though I Haven’t Done Everything.

  1. I’ve figured out Christmas gifts for all of my kiddoes.  All of them.  That alone is an accomplishment.
  2. We have eaten at home WAY more than we’ve eaten out.  That’s a definite win.
  3. I spearheaded a yarn time and a human library at work and people were very appreciative of both.
  4. I was able to let go of the need to have a Maria von Trapp perfect family night of Christmas decorating and just let it be what it was.
  5. I took a small walk this morning.
  6. I made a meal plan and grocery list for this coming week.
  7. I haven’t yelled or snapped at anyone.  Seriously.  Not a single offspring has been yelled or snapped at.
  8. The kitchen is mostly clean most of the time.
  9. I’ve read more in the last month than I had been before then.
  10. I rested when I needed to.
  11. I chose to be a part of Emily’s engagement instead of feeling like I had to put work first.

This letting go of perfectionism is a hard thing.  I want to not be the person who second guesses myself all the time and focuses on what I didn’t do “right.”  Truthfully, with this life and family stuff, there’s very little concrete right and wrong. Showing up matters.  Taking care of self matters. Not stressing or snapping or yelling matters.

I read something the other day about living a full life.  It challenged me to to fill in this blank: When I lose weight, I will _______________.

Instead of waiting to lose weight and then be or do that thing, the challenge is to be or do that now.  Why wait?  In other words, why let weight hold that much power over me?

The only thing I can think of is When I lose weight, I will not be so tired, but I don’t think it’s the weight/size that’s causing the tiredness.  I think it’s the busyness, so my word for next year is going to be limit.  I’m going to limit my away from family commitments so that my time can be used on  the people and activities that matter most to me.