This is also my story

The other thing I’ve always known is that I’m a mom.

Before I conceived . . . before any children were born to me, I knew I was a mom.  It would’ve been childbirth or adoption or just bringing people into my life somehow, but I knew I was a mom.

Breakfast-in-Bed

And I knew that being a mom was hugely important.  I knew what it was like to have a damaged mother and I didn’t want to continue that.  I wanted to be a mom who helped.  Who healed.  Who encouraged and empowered.

Those are my truths:  There is a Truth bigger and truer than we will ever be and that I am a mom.  Those are the truths I want to center my story on.  The story of my search for Truth and my story of being a mom.

This is my story

In a few short weeks, I will tell my story in our Sunday morning class.  I’ve been scheduled to do this for a few months, but February seemed so very far away that I’ve done precious little other than think about it.

my-story

It’s time to start writing.

I’ve pondered this — how do I fit almost 50 years of life into a 35 minute segment of time? —and I’m not sure I have the answers.

Do I tell the story of my very disordered and dysfunctional childhood?

Do I tell the story of my ups and downs with food and weight and body?

Do I talk about growing up HA and trying to be the oh-so-perfect-picket-fence family only to discover that it doesn’t work?

Maybe.

But I don’t think that’s who I am.

Who am I?

What do I know to be true?

From an early time, I’ve known there is Truth.  There is something bigger than I am who can and will hear my story and my cries for help that come from hurt and anger. I know that sometimes that Truth steps in and grants requests in very obvious ways and sometimes that truth lets things be, but I’ve always known that Truth operates from a place and love, compassion, and grace — even when I couldn’t call it that, I knew that love, compassion, and grace was its vantage point.

 

 

Still lovin’ and livin’

I didn’t read all the books

But I had a wonderful time spending my days with my family

I didn’t watch all the movies

Except for the days I spent watching all the Terminator movies with Jason

I didn’t go for all the walks

But I did explore the Curvy Yoga site, find some videos I like, and start an accountability check in with someone else on the site.

But I did knit all the things.

I finished the projects I needed to finish and remembered how much I enjoy knitting. Happy rediscoveries are the best.

I have a good life.  I have a husband who loves me and encourages me to be my best person.  I have children who enjoy coming home or being home.  My focus is being as welcoming and loving to myself as I am to others.

Welcoming my core truths

Welcoming my physical presence

Welcoming my joy of living

I have some goals for this year.  I want to read more, so I set a goal of reading 10 books.  I want to rediscover the activities that my body enjoys — regular yoga, walking, moving to music — and carve out time in my life.

And I want to show up for the people who matter.  Sadly, these days that involves going to funerals, but I will prioritize people over things and agendas and I will be there.

e1849e56520ab38b2576d90475ddb822