I can’t let today pass without acknowledging it.
Twenty-nine years ago today, I became a mom.
I didn’t get to bring that baby home with me. That sweet baby girl who seemed perfect. Who was named for a song about hippies who wanted to change the world and for a Sanskrit word that means “a joy that changes and dances itself in many ways to enthrall your mind and keep your attention occupied and interested forever.”
A baby girl who didn’t live to see this world, but who still changed my life forever. In the busyness of life, I haven’t always acknowledged this day, but at any time, I could tell you how old my first daughter would’ve been if she had lived.
I’m also thankful for the first daughter I did get to bring home and the redemption she brought to this day. Not only did she fill the empty space in my arms, but a year ago today, she brought another daughter into my heart. Life isn’t always what we picture it would be. I didn’t picture that my daughter would be legally wed to a woman, but Becca and Brittney are facing life with strength and dignity. They bought a house. They’re paying off debt. They’re going to school to improve their education and career options.
And I’m thankful that I get to be mom to both of them as they journey through life.
October 10th will always be a loaded day for me. There’s no escaping it. God, however, with his exceptionally gifted ways, has turned the mourning into dancing and has put some joy back into a date that was difficult for many years.
There’s much about life I don’t understand and I’m OK with letting God take care of those things. I don’t know all the whys and wherefores and rights and wrongs, but I know that God wants me to love people, and that’s a test I can get a 10/10 on.