When you’re riding the struggle bus

I don’t understand all the reasons, but I’ve been struggling with my internal dialog lately. 

My beautiful Emily graduated from college on Saturday. Wanna guess what I saw when I looked at these pictures?

Fat. I saw fat. 

Fat face. Fat midsection. Fat arms and fat hands. 

I saw Emily’s beauty and accomplishments, but on me? I saw fat. 

It’s been haunting me and causing me to second guess every choice I make about clothes. 


This is me this morning. What was going on in my head? I was wondering if the top was too flowy because a flowy top shows curves and shape and I really don’t like my curves and shape today. 

But I wore this for a reason. It’s comfortable. It’s easy. It looks pulled together even though I don’t feel that way. 

We all need clothes that we can do that with. These pants are amazing. They’re palazzo pants from Cato’s and they honestly feel like pajama pants. I love anything I can wear to work and be this comfortable in. The top is super soft too. I ordered it from eShakti and even though it’s long enough I could wear it with leggings and boots, I’ve always partnered it with pants. Red is a strong color, and even though I don’t wear it a lot, I needed it today.  

BGPS: What are your go-to clothes when you’re on the struggle bus? What are your triggers for getting on the bus and what are your tools for gettting off the bus?  One thing I try to do is focus on what my body can do and not how it looks. Today, I’m going to make a list to help me remember those things. I can sing. I can walk. I can even jog for short amounts of time if I want to. I can do yoga and plank and my flexibility with some poses has improved dramatically over the past year.  My body gave birth to babies and nourished them until they were ready to feed themselves. 

What would you put on your list? 

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