For the last couple of years, I’ve been on a journey to not diet. To not view myself as a success or failure based on my size. To not put things on hold until I reach a magic number.
Not dieting or tracking has done wonders for my emotional health. A lot of other things have been part of the journey — therapy and life-coaching to name a couple — but today I can say that I do not primarily view myself as someone is smart but… or pretty but… or talented but… I am smart. I am pretty. I am talented.
Lately, though, I’ve also felt like I’m not being completely honest with myself in terms of how connected food and emotions are for me. Since it was the new year and WW ads are everywhere, I had a brief thought of “what if I did it just to encourage me and to track? You know — accountability?”
I know what that does to my mindset, though, and how easy it is to fall back into self-disparaging inner dialog. I needed a way to see things clearly, though, so I’m starting a Food and Feelings journal. Maybe it will help someone else, so I’m sharing it here.
It’s a plain little notebook. I’m using purple ink because it’s my favorite color. I’m not tracking amounts or calories or carbs or anything. Just what I ate and how I felt. Sometimes the feeling will be physical: “headache” or “ugh. Why did I eat that?” both come to mind. Sometimes it will be like this one. I’m happy today, but I still have fears of being out of control with food, so I noted that.
I’m not 100% sure what my goal is with this. Honesty. Integrity. A way to see patterns. Self-accountability.